Sixteen years ago a woman who I professionally knew--but only barely-- called me up and told me she was forming a women's group and would I consider joining? Something told me I should say yes, so I did.
Since then, the four of us psychotherapists have been meeting once a month. We celebrated our 16th anniversary! We came together to support each other in personal growth, and sharing professional learning. But what has evolved over the years is so much more than those initial goals. While we don't socialize outside of our meetings, we have formed a community that has moved together through trauma, loss, and serious health issues. We have faced family and partner challenges. And we've commiserated together as we move through life stages. We are aging together and laughing about it when we can. We have guided each other toward downsizing our therapy and professional responsibilities. We have cried together, teased each other, comforted each other, and celebrated each other's successes.
We are more than an organized foursome--we are an organism. As one of us said at our last meeting, "We are like a Portuguese man o' war." Whaat? We looked at her, puzzled. She went on to explain that this odd creature is a floating community. This organism is an interwoven group of animals that are closely related to jellyfish. It is unusual in that it is composed of individuals with various forms and functions, all working together as one. Each of the four specialized parts of a man o’ war is responsible for a specific task, such as floating, capturing prey, feeding, and reproduction.
That's us! Minus the blue slime. A whole with interdependent parts. One member of the group brings her naughty dark sense of humor that never fails to crack us up. Another brings her love of professional learning that enriches us all. Thanks to her we have studied many books as a group on topics such as meditation, death and dying, the enneagram, chakra balancing, Internal Family Systems, and brainspotting. Another brings her unwavering commitment to "just show up no matter what" which inspires in each of us a steadfast fidelity to our group. Another brings her dynamic and vibrant energy which keeps us on track toward our goals.
Over the years we have developed an almost psychic ability to encounter each other. We have developed exquisite trust, relaxing our defenses that people naturally have in place most of the time. We are fully seen and accepted. We are in attunement---in harmony---with each other. We are very different women, but we have developed a symbiotic relationship. We benefit just as much from what we give to each other as from what we receive from each other.
Humans are wired to be in community and we thrive when we are in connection with each other. Don't underestimate the power of people coming together with a common goal, a shared vision, or a mutual interest, or a united need for healing. This is definitely a situation when two gathered together is way more than two.
Here is a book our group read together that I would recommend regarding the amazing power of a group: The Power of Eight: Harnessing the Miraculous Energies of a Small Group to Heal Others, Your Life, and the World, 2017, Lynne McTaggart.
Who is in your Portuguese man 'o war??
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