Recently a client of mine dropped onto my couch in my office and said with a sigh from deep inside of her, "I'm exhausted from trying to be something and someone I'm not; I'm trying to fit in with my co-workers expectations. I want to stop doing this, but I'm scared. I'm miserable at work. I don't even like myself anymore." Tears welled up in her eyes.
She is seeking freedom. When we free ourselves to BE ourselves we are authentic. When we are authentic, we are aligned with our values and beliefs. In this alignment we can better realize our full potential, which leads to greater well-being and peace. My client desperately wants that---we all do, right?!
Authenticity is an inside job. It comes from our soul, not our ego. It takes courage to excavate and remove the layers of pretense that our ego can use to cover up who we are. Down. Deep. In. Our. Soul. Its taking responsibility over and over again for how we unapologetically show up to ourselves and those around us.
Its not just ego that gets in the way of our authenticity, our inner critic erodes our true self, too. Most of us are more self-criticizing rather than self-celebrating. We need to embrace what we have to offer to the world and be willing to share our gifts. We all are special in some way and celebrating our unique specialness does not diminish others. This isn't self-promotion, this is the beginning of identifying your purpose in life. In fact, sharing your gifts can have the ripple effect of someone else embracing their own!
Sharing our struggles also contributes to our genuineness. It takes vulnerability---which can be painful, but wading into what makes us uncomfortable, what feels scary, what we want to cover up in ourselves can help us to feel more connected with others, not less. In fact, it can be a springboard for someone else taking the risk in being more true to themselves! We are inspired when we hear about how others navigate the challenge and messiness of being an imperfect human.
Hiding our true selves also comes about because of a need for protection. Life traumas can cause us to hide. Arguments with loved ones that resulted in estrangement, childhood experiences that caused us to close off our true feelings, or being gossiped about, teased, or bullied can result in our energy being funneled into protecting ourselves rather than taking risks and putting our true self forward.
Being profoundly guided most days by your best self leads to living your purpose during the time that your soul is on this earth. Being your true self rather than projecting an image is authentic and is a path to greater happiness. It is a practice you can start today.
My client and I continue to work together to help her shed behaviors that are not who she really is: she no longer participates in cruel gossip to try to fit in, and she doesn't play oneupmanship games at work to compete and get ahead. Instead, she has decided to be more open about her values as a Christian, has made a new friend at work, and has been asked to lead a work team project. She reports with satisfaction that she leaves at the end of her day much less stressed. She has energy to walk her dog after work rather than numbing out in front of her TV with a drink.
What is one way you can be authentic today? What is something you can let go of to begin to uncover the real you? What is one thing you can start doing that aligns with the best self you are meant to be?
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